DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
