She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
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