My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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