I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
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I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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