i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
