I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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