i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Randomize
