that's an acceptable place to lick
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
