i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
People in love make me want to vomit
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
