you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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