You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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