Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
As shirtless as possible
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
