Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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