bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
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they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
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Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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