you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
