How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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