Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
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