Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
