You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
