I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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