They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Randomize
