He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
