u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
