So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
