Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
