It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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