I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
