i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
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What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
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OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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