Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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