I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
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AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
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And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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