If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
