The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Randomize
