talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
