It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
