You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
im holly from the hills drunk
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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