im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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