I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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