Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
