I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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