call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
there is glitter all over my balls
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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