Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
