end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
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I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
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Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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