Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
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She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
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Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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