PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
