I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
