I only kidnapped one of them. chill
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize