I need help removing her.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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