so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
