I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
