I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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