i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
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I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
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The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
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