So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
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I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
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IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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