I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
