Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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