I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
