Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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