They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
