I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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