i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
