Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
