whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
