He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
