I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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