someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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