Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
