just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
