This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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