So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
