people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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