then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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