hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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