shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
