All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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