I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
