i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
