my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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