Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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