So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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