i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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