If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
