a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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