"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
